Saturday, November 9, 2013

Living and Loving the Single Life

It's almost been a year since I officially became single. For the last year of the relationship I felt like I was single but we were technically still together. There was a disconnect there however, I knew it was ending. I didn't want it to end though because I didn't know what I would do. I hadn't been single for almost 6 years. 
How do you 'be' single? 
What does it entail? 
What do you do by yourself?

These are questions that I asked myself right after it happened. When I felt like my whole world just crumpled up and threw itself in the dumpster. I had to start over and I had to redefine myself.

I've learned so many things about myself over this past year. What I like and what I don't like. What I'll stand for and what I won't stand for. I've been on quite a few dates but nothing has really worked out. I know what I want out of a relationship and I know that for me, if the first date doesn't go well, it's probably not going to work out.

Over the past few months though, I've come to realize that I like being single. Yes, I said it. I like being single. I don't have to impress anyone, I don't have to shave my legs if I don't want to, and if I want to just come home and veg out, I can. I don't have to please anyone but me.

I was recently ask what goals I have in my life and I honestly couldn't answer the question. I've reached all my goals that I've had so far. I finished school, I have a great job, I paid off my car, and I live on my own. I am happy and content. I am still working on my weight loss and my mental health but I know those are always going to be ongoing.

I feel that now I've come to this realization, there's a burden that's been lifted off of me. I don't WANT to be in a relationship right now. I don't NEED to be in a relationship right now. I know God will lead me to the right man but I just need to be patient and live my life right now. I found this quote on Pinterest and I absolutely love it.

After reading this and agreeing with everything it said, I knew that I am at a place in my life where I am okay with being single. For now, I'm good just living my mid-twenties to the fullest and loving the single life.

Saturday, September 21, 2013

Adventure Onward: One Year

It's been one year. 365 days. One year since I had the surgery that changed my life. On September 21, 2012 I underwent RNY Gastric Bypass surgery. It was one of the hardest decisions of my life. Over the past year it's also been the biggest challenge of my life.

I had surgery because I needed the help. I couldn't lose the weight on my own with nutrition and exercise. I honestly DID NOT want surgery but I knew it was my only chance at being able to lose the weight that I needed to. I didn't have any health issues related to my weight but I knew that wouldn't last long. Even the day of my surgery, I didn't want it. One year later, I'm glad that I actually went through with it.

I've done well over the past year. I've lost 149 pounds since surgery as of the time I'm writing this. I went into surgery weighing 382 pounds. I now weigh less than I do when I went into High School. I wish I looked the same as I did in High School but mother nature is kinda in a screw you mood and let gavity take hold of pretty much everything.

I think the biggest thing I'm still learning is that I have an eating disorder. Having this surgery does not change that fact. I struggle every day with what to eat, how much to eat, and being diligent about taking my vitamins. I still have a long way to go obviously but I'm overall happy with where I'm going.

September 7, 2013
September 9, 2012

I've done a lot of other things in this past year. Not only did I lose a whole person with my weight loss. I lost 2 people. I lost a boyfriend as well as a whole person of weight (ba dum *tish). Yes, if you've read my previous posts, Ryan and I broke up after almost 6 years together. It was his decision although I knew it was coming. I've had my ups and downs since then. I've gone on dates and wish I hadn't gone on some of them, but it's been an interesting experience being single. I never knew how much my life revolved around one person and now I have to live my life for me.

I also did something I thought would never happen. I graduated with my Master's Degree in Education! It was an extremely tough two years. Lots of tears were shed and a lot of sleep was lost but I completed it. I learned not only a lot about our educational system and how broken it is but I learned a lot about myself and what I find important about Higher Education and how I can start to make a difference.

My Pretty Diploma
I've been told, not out right, but in a secondary way, that I've had everything handed to me because I've completed not only my B.A. but also now my M.Ed. and because I have a full-time job working in my field by the time that I'm 26. I never really respond to these things because I know everyone is different and everyone completes things in their own timeline but I do want it known that everything I have gained and accomplished is because of my willingness not to give up no matter what. Some people don't know this but I started graduate school on academic probation. I was admitted on a chance. I had to make sure the my GPA did not drop or I would be cut from the program. But I didn't let that stop me. No, I didn't have straight A's but I did my best and it shows not only in this nice looking piece of paper but also in my gained knowledge and the fact that I've had increased responsibilities in my job. I also have a family that supported me 100% in my goals and was there for me no matter what.

While it's only been one year, it feels like it's been more. I've accomplished so much in so little time I almost can't wrap my hear around it. But I know that the next year has even more in store for me and I cannot wait to see what it is.

That's about all I've got for this one.Thanks to everyone for your continued support through this entire journey.

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Springing Into Action

Like the title? I though it was clever.

It's been awhile since I've written and I've just had this desire to write about what's been going on since December. So, here it goes.


As of today, I've lost 113.2 pounds. It's been hard and crappy but I couldn't be prouder of myself. I've done from extremely obese to obese II according to the BMI chart. That stupid little chart will always tell me I'm overweight by the time I hit my goal but nothing feels better then being able to fit into whatever car/ride/tight space I want to. It also feel great to be the same weight I was in High School and KNOW that I'll weight less than even that soon. Watch out 10 year reunion! (In 2 years)

As for diet, I haven't been following the protocol like I'm supposed to and I think that's my biggest challenge. I'm making a re-dedication to following what I'm supposed to. I haven't had a problem with a lot of starches though which is why it's hard. Thick bread, french fries, mashed potatoes, and flour tortillas have given me problems so I stay away from those. But I need to cut back on making pasta just because I don't want to grill chicken for dinner even if I only make 2oz. of pasta. If I do end up still eating the things that haven't bothered me, I'm making a point of buying whole grain so it at least has a better nutritional value.

For my exercising, I fell out of it again. For some reason, my depression gets worse when I start to exercise on a regular basis. I need to call and make an appointment with my doctor to see if we need to adjust something.

 Personal Life:

I know this is the section everyone is excited about. 

It's been 4.5 months since Ryan and I broke up. Honestly, I'm still grieving this relationship. And why shouldn't I? It was a 6 year relationship! I don't know when I'll stop grieving but there shouldn't be a set point in time where I have to go "okay, I'm over it". Right now, I'm trying to do as much as possible to take care of myself not only physically but emotionally as well. That's really all I have to say about it.

Since the end of the year, I have been getting out more. I've been going to Disneyland as much as possible and hanging out with friends. It's been nice to actually live what I have left of my 20s. I've been going out on dates as well. I'm not looking for anything. I'm not emotionally ready to pour myself into another relationship; but who am I to say no to a free meal?
I've also been going back to church. I found a church that I love and I always feel better after I've gone. I feel better when my relationship with God is stronger and I feel that I can do more and that I don't have to worry as much when I just give everything to Him. It's really been a breath of fresh air after so long.

I'm also almost done with school! Over the next 12 weeks though I'll be working on my big paper so if I'm not around, that's why. I was able to walk with the rest of my cohort on April 18th. The best thing about that day was that my dad showed up. We all though that we wasn't going to be able to make but as I walked down those steps to where we had to sit, there he was waving at me. It was the greatest thing to have possibly happened.

So, I'm still here. I'm making positive changes and I'm looking forward to what's in store for me over the next few months. It's going to be one heck of a ride.